home |desert | written |paycheck |video gallery |Listen
8.6.02 Blueberry Logic

The job was to plant 450 potted native blueberry bushes. I was working for an ambitious landscaper. He was on the compound with me - raking the beach or something. The client was a famous writer. She was in the house. So whats the only rule even a mediocre gardener can be guarenteed to know? - dont plant in rows!!!!! Especially when its undergrowth native stuff in a stand of scrub pine. The only gardeners that arent allowed to abide by this rule work for state and town parks departments.

I set to work with that rule dictating my placement of the plants. Its not easy! It was a high humidity day in early august and the mosquitos were out. By and by the job was completed. I was dying for a cigarette but was forbidden to smoke on the grounds. The lady of the house came out to inspect with my boss. They chatted. He complimented her in every way imaginable and joked around with big laughs.

They perused the planting. my boss was holding his breath as the famous lady shifted from one place to another looking at the scragglyassed woods. They were the same damn woods I grew up with on the cape behind our starter home ranch house only our blueberry bushes grew there for free. They lived there before the house was built! I just couldnt help marveling at the irony. Planting native bushes in the woods and raking the beach all on the same bill!!

"Weelllllll..." she said with her brow knit. "It looks like some of these are in rows. I can see some of them lined up."

My boss was silent for a moment then he laughed and hemmed and hawed "Really do you think so?...?" he queried.

I stared again at the plants and, like I said , it looked like the woods of my childhood except a little cleaner.- here the pineneedles were raked out and fallen branches picked up. "I believe its mathmatically impossible for these plants NOT to line up somewhere." I said

"HA HA thats funny!!!" choked the boss "yes. har har! a good one!." his laughter was desperate. the writer lady flinched and looked at me funny like she was surprised to see me in her yard. " Oh do you think so?" she said. "maybe you're right." she walked away.

I was escorted down to the truck by my boss and told never to speak to a client that way again. "What way?" I asked."Its the truth , something to do with a discrete random variable... its TRUE! " My bosses face was reddening. I could tell he genuinely could not comprehend my lack of concern. " No. no. no- it doesnt matter! you NEVER EVER speak to a client like that! this is my business and I cant afford to lose a client due to your disrespect.!"

He wasnt looking for mathmatical logic he was looking for me to kiss ass. He was waiting for me to apologize profusely. He was waiting for me to KISS ASS. I wasnt going to back down. It was the same thing I had just gone through with the landowner. I played my only card. casual indifference: "you done rakin the beach? cuz Im dying for a cigarette. " I said. At this point he was too. He sputtered a bit and we loaded the truck. I cracked some jokes and patched things up. I think he may have lost that client down the road. Ive heard she likes to be pushed around. That she cant bear an ass kisser.


More jobs than I can name
True stories of Work
3.13.01 gold
7.07.01 deckhand
8.15.01 shuck
10.13.01 petting zoo
          petting zoo II
          petting zoo III
8.28.02 blueberry logic
8.29.02 cranberry bogs

drawings and paintings in
Know Your America Gallery

want to say hello?



© 2000-2001 by Bud Scrape